Right Relationships with Parents

MEMORY SELECTION: “Honor thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” —Deuteronomy 5:16

SELECTED SCRIPTURE: Matthew 15:1-14; Exodus 20:12

THE fifth commandment of the divine Law establishes the proper relationship that should exist between children and their parents. The thought is expressed elsewhere in the Hebrew Scriptures as well: “Ye shall fear [reverence] every man his mother, and his father.” (Lev. 19:3) And (Deut. 27:16, Rotherham), “Cursed be he that holdeth in light esteem his father or his mother.”

The relationship was a meaningful one under Jewish law, for “he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. … And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.” (Exod. 21:15,17) Also we read (Lev. 20:9), “For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.”

The closeness, beauty, and harmony of the family relationship is a gift from God. There are, however, responsibilities associated with the arrangement, not only the parents’ need to care for their children but also the obligation of children toward their parents, especially when the parents are aged or ill.

A controversy arose between Jesus and the champions of the Law, who were conscious of its exactness in respect to minute details but who did not understand or appreciate the spirit of the Law. They approached the Master with a question concerning the disciples’ disregard of a handwashing regulation (Matt. 15:1,2) Jesus’ answer did not pertain to the washing of hands, but it did stress the relationship between children and parents, of which commandment the scribes and Pharisees were negligent. “But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; and honor not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.”—vss. 3-6

Jesus’ reference was to the practice of Corban, whereby property could be set aside by way of a vow. The Pharisees’ allegiance to the vow took priority over whatever obligations might arise through the Law with respect to aged parents. It therefore voided the fifth commandment and its responsibilities. In Mark’s account we read Jesus’ answer to the Pharisees. He said (Mark 7:11-13), “But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.”

Jesus then went on to call the Pharisees hypocrites because of their religious traditions and regulations. “Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias [Isaiah] prophesy of you, saying (Isa. 29:13), This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoreth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”—Matt. 15:7,8

Jesus was fearless in his denunciation of the scribes and Pharisees. He was able to read the heart, knew that they were hypocrites, and did not hesitate to point out to them the error of their ways. Then he said (vs. 14), “Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.” This was a particularly stinging rebuke, inasmuch as the teachers of the Law regarded themselves as leaders of the blind: “Thou … art confident that thou thyself art a guide of the blind, a light of them which are in darkness.”—Rom. 2:19

In our present day, social responsibilities toward aged parents are sometimes overlooked, as may be attested by the many times that neglect and abandonment are brought to the attention of authorities. This disregard for the needs of others, especially those of close relationship, is difficult to understand. Such treatment is not in accord with the laws of God. But we can look forward to that time when the kingdom of truth and righteousness will bring blessings to all the families of the earth.

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